Prepare yourself for a mind-boggling journey into the world of science, where living with a fluffy animal is the secret to warding off inflammatory bowel disease, autoimmune issues, allergies, and even mental health problems. Get ready for a glimpse into what a health care encounter in the 21st century might just look like. Trust me, it’s going to be a wild ride!

Scene 1: Dr. Barkster’s Office

Dr. Barkster (raising an eyebrow): “Mrs. Paw-some, forget about your traditional prescriptions, because I have a prescription that will blow your mind! Say hello to the furriest remedy out there – a dog!”

Mrs. Paw-some (taken aback): “A dog? But Doctor, won’t our house turn into a hairy chaos zone?”

Dr. Barkster (grinning): “Oh, Mrs. Paw-some, let me tell you, the wonders of fur-therapy are worth every lint roller in existence! Brace yourself for the fur-filled adventure I’m about to unfold.”

Scene 2: The Immune System Superhero

Dr. Barkster (striking a superhero pose): “Imagine a furry dog as your child’s immune system superhero, ready to tackle autoimmune diseases like a true champion! Recent studies show that early exposure to furry dogs can boost the immune system’s resilience, reducing the risk of developing autoimmune issues.”

Mrs. Paw-some (excited): “So, you’re saying a furry dog can be our child’s very own shield?”

Dr. Barkster (nodding): “Exactly! By bringing a dog into your family, we’re empowering your child’s immune system, one wag at a time!”

Scene 3: The Mental Health Marvel

Dr. Barkster (putting on a detective hat): “Hold on tight, because the mental health benefits of furry dogs will blow your mind! They’re like cuddly therapists with wagging tails. They offer unconditional love, endless belly rubs, and they’re the perfect built-in antidepressants!”

Mrs. Paw-some (laughing): “So, our dog will be our very own four-legged therapist?”

Dr. Barkster (smiling): “You got it! Dogs have this incredible ability to reduce stress, anxiety, and even improve social interactions. Plus, they’ll help your child develop empathy and a sense of responsibility.”

Scene 4: Finding the Paw-fect Match

Mrs. Paw-some (curious): “But Doctor, how do we find the right furry companion for our child’s optimal health?”

Dr. Barkster (serious yet humorous): “Ah, the quest for the paw-fect match! It begins with considering your child’s personality, activity level, and your family’s lifestyle. Is your child an energetic explorer or a snuggly bookworm? Are you a family of adventure seekers or more of a cozy homebody bunch?”

Mrs. Paw-some (enthusiastically): “We’re definitely a lively bunch!”

Dr. Barkster (chuckling): “Well then, a playful and energetic breed might be just the ticket! But don’t forget, shelter dogs are often paw-some choices too, so give them a chance to wiggle their way into your hearts!”

Scene 5: The Apocryphal Algorithm for Choosing the Perfect Breed

Dr. Barkster (with a mischievous smile): “Ah, Mrs. Paw-some, I have a little secret algorithm up my sleeve that can help you choose the perfect breed based on your child’s medical needs!”

Mrs. Paw-some (intrigued): “An algorithm? How pawsitively intriguing, Doctor! Do tell!”

Dr. Barkster (clearing his throat dramatically): “Behold, the Apocryphal Algorithm for Choosing the Perfect Breed!”

Allergy Avengers: If allergies are an issue, fear not! Look for hypoallergenic breeds like Poodles, Bichon Frises, or Portuguese Water Dogs. They’ll keep the sniffles at bay while providing endless cuddles.

Anxiety Alleviators: For anxiety relief, consider breeds like Cavalier King Charles Spaniels or Golden Retrievers. Their calm and gentle nature will soothe those frazzled nerves.

ADHD Energizers: If your child has energy to spare, go for breeds like Border Collies or Australian Shepherds. These energetic bundles of fur will keep up with all the endless activities and games.

Depression Defeaters: To combat the blues, breeds like Labradors or Beagles are perfect. Their playful antics and unwavering loyalty will bring smiles and joy to even the gloomiest of days.

Dr. Barkster (waving his hands like a magician): “And voila! The Apocryphal Algorithm presents you with a list of potential breeds to consider, tailored to your child’s medical needs. But remember, this algorithm is purely apocryphal, so be sure to consult with a professional before making any decisions!”

Mrs. Paw-some (laughing): “Doctor, you truly have a flair for the theatrical! Thank you for guiding us through this fur-filled journey.”

Scene 6: The Microbiome Marvels: Dogs, Soil Bacteria, and Healthier Homes

Dr. Barkster (raising an eyebrow): “Mrs. Paw-some, brace yourself for another mind-blowing discovery! Did you know that dogs can actually change the microbiome of humans to a healthier mix?”

Mrs. Paw-some (intrigued): “Dogs and microbiomes? That’s fascinating, Doctor! How does it work?”

Dr. Barkster (excitedly): “Hold on tight! When dogs dig in the soil, they unwittingly bring soil bacteria into our homes. And here’s the kicker: when they give their human housemates a loving lick, they introduce those beneficial bacteria into our bodies!”

Scene 7: The Soil Spectrum in the Apocryphal Algorithm

Dr. Barkster (adjusting his spectacles): “Now, let’s incorporate the magnificent world of soil into our Apocryphal Algorithm! Different soil types that dogs interact with can bring diverse bacteria, offering unique health benefits.”

Rich Loamy Licks: If your dog enjoys digging in nutrient-rich, loamy soil, they might introduce beneficial bacteria associated with improved digestion and nutrient absorption. Consider breeds like Labrador Retrievers or German Shepherds, known for their earthy explorations.

Sandy Salutations: Sandy soils bring their own set of health benefits. Breeds like Dalmatians or Greyhounds, who enjoy frolicking on sandy beaches or in sandboxes, may introduce bacteria associated with skin health and reduced allergies.

Clay Kisses: If your furry friend loves digging in clay-rich soil, they might bring in bacteria associated with a stronger immune system. Breeds like Airedale Terriers or Staffordshire Bull Terriers, known for their enthusiastic digging skills, might be just the companions for a clay-inspired microbiome boost.

Peaty Pooch Pals: Dogs fond of exploring areas with peat soil can introduce bacteria associated with improved mental health and reduced inflammation. Breeds like Border Terriers or Irish Setters, who enjoy hikes in boggy areas, might be the perfect peaty pooch pals.

Dr. Barkster (with a grin): “Remember, this soil-inspired algorithm is purely fictional but showcases the fascinating connection between dogs, soil bacteria, and our health.”

Mrs. Paw-some (laughing): “Doctor, you never cease to amaze! Our furry friends truly bring the magic of nature into our homes.”

Epilogue:

Dear readers, while the soil-inspired microbiome marvels may be an intriguing concept, the love, companionship, and joy a furry dog brings into our lives are undeniable. So, embrace the pawsitivity, let your child’s health thrive, and embark on an adventure with a four-legged friend who will not only leave paw prints on your hearts but potentially beneficial soil bacteria too! And remember, if you decide to welcome a furry companion into your home, make sure to consult with a healthcare professional to find the best fit for your family and always keep those lint rollers handy!

Oxygen is a key to human health. Before it’s atmospheric debut, we had bacteria for a billion years with few tech inventions during this period, save for the flagella, a whip like structure that could take you a few inches across a scum filled pond. Queue the plants (algae and other photo-synthesizers) and oxygen enters the atmosphere allowing for multicellular organisms and ultimately us (now is the time to hug your house plant out of gratitude). What did oxygen do for us? It unlocked the ability to generate much more energy from food sources that allowed us to dig a ditch, launch a satellite or use your TV remote. As any biochemistry or medical  student knows, ATP, the powerhouse chemical we use to store and release energy, is manufactured 16 fold in the presence of oxygen (for the curious, see oxidative phosphorylation and electron transport chain for more details).

The engineering dilemma that evolution was faced with for us multicellular beings was a supply and distribution problem. How to get oxygen from the air to each of our cells?  To move a substance, you need a pressure gradient to drive the work and the atmosphere pressurizes oxygen to move from high to low pressure zones. But this does not get the prized element to deeper tissues. For that obstacle, we evolved the lungs, blood vessels, blood and heart to circulate oxygenated blood to tissues to bypass this problem. 

Yes, blood, that substance thicker than water. Oxygen can dissolve in blood but at very low concentrations. To improve on the quantity of oxygen, we inherited the red blood cell and its key constituent, hemoglobin. Hemoglobin is the main oxygen carrier in the blood and allows pick up and delivery of 02 to the tissues. Oxygenated blood is bright red (usually arterial) and less oxygenated blood (usually venous) is blue. We can exploit this light absorbing property to determine how much oxygen is bound to hemoglobin at a particular moment by shining a frequency of light at a blood vessel and checking how much is absorbed and reflected at one time in the heart beat cycle.  The ratio of oxygenated to  de-oxygenated hemoglobin is measured, and reported as  oxygen saturation.

Do you need a device that warns you of oxygen shortage? Shouldn’t you feel short of breath, breathe faster and get yourself into an emergency room in time? Not always, as your brain, highly dependent on oxygen, can go haywire with  confusion, lethargy and poor judgement as a consequence. This is why the flight attendant always directs you to put your oxygen mask on first before your children. What about turning blue (cyanosis) from low oxygen? Unfortunately, this is a late occurring sign which occurs when fully ⅓ of the hemoglobin is devoid of oxygen.

Is there an early warning device to warn us of oxygen deprivation?Cue the pulse oximeter:  oxygen saturation can be measured by a pulse oximeter, or more recently with tech watches that have similar technology. Healthy lungs at sea level usually allow for oxygen saturation over 95%. As with all technologies, certain pitfalls apply. If your hemoglobin is abnormal it may not be measured properly. Carbon monoxide poisoning, for instance, renders hemoglobin incapable of binding to oxygen but is not registered by the pulse oximeter. Yes, you can asphyxiate with a normal pulse oximeter reading. The sensors must be close to the skin and not moving or else a faulty reading could result. Even expensive devices can be subject to error. Many a time in the surgery center, a reading of 60% could appear in an awake, non sedated patient. Repositioning the sensor, recalibrating the device or wheeling a new machine into the OR solved the false reading.

So what can you glean from the result? High altitude can lower oxygen saturation due to lower oxygen pressures. Altitude sickness can result with headaches, shortness of breath and in extreme circumstances, flooding of the lungs with fluid. Severe pneumonia can lower oxygen saturation and in the case of COVID 19, may not result in air hunger which would normally warn you of severe lung infection. Severe asthma could also cause a drop in oxygen saturation. Apple has started a research trial examining the usefulness of the Apple Watch 6 in this circumstance.

 The most important use of this technology may be in screening for obstructive sleep apnea. This condition is quite common in the U.S with a prevalence up to 30% of males and 15% of females).  Celebrities such as Rosie O’Donnell, Shaquille O’Neal,  William Shatner, (aka Captain Kirk of Star Trek fame), Quincy Jones, Randy Jackson (of American Idol fame) are afflicted. Luminaries whose death may have been influenced by sleep apnea include William Howard Taft (former 27th President), Jerry Garcia (of the Greatful Dead), Justice Antonin Scalia, Carrie Fisher (of Star Wars fame) and James Gandolfini (of Sopranos fame). Sleep apnea has severe health consequences and has acceptable, effective therapy. With the increase in risk factors such as adult obesity and sedentary nature of the population, obstructive sleep apnea is becoming epidemic, resulting in upper airway obstruction at night with snoring, interruption of breathing and dangerous reduction in oxygen saturation. This condition often results in headaches, daytime fatigue, hypertension, acceleration of cardiac disease and premature death. A continuous positive pressure mask can ameliorate this condition. A convenient, readily available screening tool such as a reliable pulse oximeter for nighttime use could potentially save multiple lives by directing those into the office of sleep specialists for definitive diagnosis and treatment.

So should you climb on board the day and night pulse oximetry tech train?  With certain caveats (a device that has reproducible results and matched to gold standard testing, FDA approval and  that works for night-time monitoring) this metric may benefit you when hitting the ski slopes and when your significant other has had it with your snoring and asks you to “do something about it.” Take a deep breath and ponder that.