Retired White Coat

With retirement comes the end of one of golf’s most prized excuses: “I don’t have enough time to practice.” Realizing that my golf foundation has been built on the art of the golf excuse, my anxiety level naturally elevated. While there are plenty of golf instructional books and videos, there is a dearth of expert commentary on the golf excuse. I will detail my excuse tree as generated over 50 years to help the struggling golfer with alibis for their own game.

1. The Physician Golfer: I grew up watching golf on TV. There was Dr. Stone, Donna Reed’s pediatrician husband on “The Donna Reed Show” playing a Wednesday round; Dr. Cary Middlecoff and Dr. Gil Morgan (OK a dentist and optometrist but still in healthcare) were skilled PGA professionals with doctorates. Sitting for the MCAT (Medical College Admission Test) in 1974, the general knowledge section had the question: “Which sport do you take a divot?” Checking off golf, I dreamed of a future of an expanding medical knowledge and a shrinking handicap. Reality ensued over the years with the rise of HMO’s, IPA’s and 80 hour work weeks that left little time for golf. And the realization that pharmaceutical reps are the scratch golfers in healthcare.
2. Learning the Game at the WRONG COURSE at the WRONG TIME: Few serious golfers seek New York City for their home base for learning and living the game. But that was not the case in the late 19th century when golf was brought over the Pond from Scotland. Willie Tucker was one of the first golfing emigres . Willie was was born in Scotland. His father was a greenskeeper in Wimbledon and his maternal grandfather competed against Old Tom Morris in the British Open. His brother in law, William Dunn, had the happenstance of meeting William Vanderbilt, the grand son of Cornelius, who was in the vanguard of the gilded age tycoons. Vanderbilt met Dunn in Biarritz, France where he was teaching his guilded age cronies the art of the game.Dunn summoned Willie to assist him in France., Willie realized his talents and funding were aligned in NYC where gilded age money was waiting to build golf courses for the privileged few. And build them they did. Willie Dunn designed Shinnecock Hills and their contemporary, Dr. Alister Mackenzie ( yes, of Augusta fame and a trained surgeon) designed the Bayside Links, just steps from my high school.  Willie Tucker got into the act, constructing the less heralded Clearview Golf Course and Yacht Club and Douglaston Golf Course, both in Queens. Golfing nirvana in Queens? Well, in 1920, New York City government took over management of Willie Tucker’s courses, cut down the trees to speed up play and put a goldfish pond near the clubhouse to (?) placate the golfers waiting hours to play a round. The end of World War II brought peace but golfing disharmony to the Queens tract. Robert Moses, the NYC Parks Commissioner, (see Robert Caro, The Power Broker, an in depth view of Moses) built the Clearview Expressway and Cross Island Parkway that further diminished the golf course acreage. New homes for returning veterans led to the closure of several golf tracts. Alister Mackenzie’s Bayside Links was closed and replaced with tract homes but Willie Tucker’s Clearview Golf Course was given a pardon. By the 1960’s, Clearview Golf Course had few trees, few traps, a busy expressway adjacent to the 5th hole, no practice areas and a typical 5 hour wait on the weekends. My first golfing lessons at Clearview were 1) aim is secondary and 2)always have a hammer ready to get your tee in the ground. If you got frustrated there was always meditation near the goldfish pond. 
3. Golf magazine overdose: My first Golf magazine subscription was mid 1960s:take it back slowly, take it back quickly, stand close, stand far, take a lot of sand, take little sand: 50 years of golf tips was enough to prove the “paralysis by analysis” hypothesis. Luckily, I was spared of the launch monitor and spin rate statistics of the 21st century. 
4. NYC High School Golf Team: under normal circumstances, competitive golf would be a boost to excellence. Our team played at the infamous Clearview course (vide Supra) and our golf coach was moonlighting from his usual job as the  the High School basketball coach. Not being familiar with the game, the team schooled him in the finer points of golf. We received “let’s press,” and “dig deeper” from his basketball motivational speeches. Bogey golf was the order of the day. 
5. Getting Older: the only legitimate excuse in retirement. Loss of elasticity, lumbar and cervical discs on the move, degenerative joint disease, forgetfulness. The only benefit of dementia is vaccination against #3 and insures the golfing edict, “stay in the moment.”

The human mind (aka neocortex) is resourceful and resourceful hackers (the golf variety) can contribute to the “golf excuse” online community. I welcome your comments.