Forbidden Love in the Pleistocene: When Homo sapiens Met the Neanderthals

It begins with a few suspicious snippets of DNA.

They sit quietly inside our chromosomes—genetic heirlooms from ancestors whose names have been forgotten and whose family photographs were never taken because photography would not be invented for another 50,000 years. Europeans and Asians commonly carry about 1–2 percent Neanderthal DNA. Some populations in Oceania possess an additional helping of Denisovan ancestry.

Clearly, something happened.

Officially, scientists call it archaic admixture. But let us dispense with the laboratory euphemisms. Our ancestors were sleeping with the neighbors.

These were the original fusion families—and one suspects they generated considerable gossip around the communal fire.

“Did you hear about Oona?”

“No.”

“She’s seeing a Neanderthal.”

“The one with the brow ridge?”

“They all have brow ridges, Mabel.”

Out of Africa—and Into an Awkward Reception

Early Homo sapiens did not simply leave Africa once in a single triumphant parade. There appear to have been earlier excursions into the Middle East and Eurasia, followed later by the major expansion—roughly 60,000 to 70,000 years ago—that produced most of the ancestry of people living outside Africa today.

So, in broad terms, we were out of Africa more than once. The first expeditions may have faded away or contributed little to later populations. The later travelers were more successful, although “successful” is a generous term for people crossing deserts on foot without maps, luggage, antibiotics or a decent airport lounge.

When Homo sapiens entered Neanderthal territory, they encountered people who had already survived hundreds of thousands of years of European winters. Neanderthals were powerfully built, technologically capable and remarkably well adapted to cold climates.

The newcomers were probably not greeted with gift baskets.

From the Neanderthal perspective, these skinny tropical immigrants must have looked poorly equipped:

“Look, Urg. More sapiens.”

“They’ll never last the winter.”

“They’re wearing shells as jewelry.”

“Pretentious.”

The Neanderthals were the hearty locals—the prehistoric equivalent of people who shovel snow in shorts. Homo sapiens, by comparison, arrived with narrower bodies, complicated social networks and an irritating tendency to keep moving into neighborhoods where nobody had invited them.

The First Culture War

It is tempting to imagine sapiens proudly unveiling their latest technological achievement.

“Behold—a finely shaped stone blade!”

The Neanderthal examined it.

“You spent all afternoon making that?”

“It has a symmetrical edge.”

“It’s a rock, Kevin.”

Both Neanderthals and modern humans made sophisticated tools. Neanderthals also used pigments, collected unusual objects and may have created symbolic markings or art of their own. The old caricature of the stupid, shambling caveman has not aged well.

Still, cultural rivalry must have been irresistible.

When sapiens began decorating caves with horses, bison and handprints, conservative Neanderthal critics may have complained that the work lacked realism.

“The bison’s legs are completely out of proportion.”

“It’s symbolic.”

“It’s rubbish. And now there’s ochre all over the wall.”

A Neanderthal father might have watched his daughter admire a sapiens artist and muttered, “He calls himself a painter, but he still lives in a cave.”

Love Across the Species Line

We do not know whether prehistoric groups disapproved of interbreeding. No Pleistocene advice columns survive, and archaeology has yet to uncover a stone tablet reading, “Over my dead body will you marry a Denisovan.”

Indeed, the word species becomes rather slippery here. Neanderthals, Denisovans and modern humans were distinct populations, but they could have fertile offspring. Whether we call them separate species, subspecies or humanity’s extremely distant regional cousins depends partly on how we define species.

Whatever terminology we choose, their DNA tells us the relationships occurred repeatedly.

The courtship process remains unknown.

Perhaps sapiens males impressed Neanderthal women with beads, music and long-distance trade networks. Perhaps Neanderthal males impressed sapiens women by lifting an entire elk without bending their knees.

One imagines the parental objections:

“He’s not our kind.”

“He’s thoughtful.”

“He has no chin.”

“That’s superficial.”

“He lives beyond the third glacier!”

“I love him.”

“Oh, wonderful. Mixed children. What will the mammoths say?”

Yet the children survived. Some had children of their own. Their genetic traces traveled through thousands of generations and now influence aspects of immunity, skin biology, metabolism and disease susceptibility.

Every family has secrets. Ours are encoded in base pairs.

The Denisovan Scandal

Denisovans are even more mysterious. We know them largely from DNA extracted from a few bones and teeth found in Asia. They left far fewer recognizable fossils than Neanderthals, yet their genetic legacy survives strongly in some populations, particularly in Papua New Guinea and other parts of Oceania.

Denisovan ancestry also contributed useful adaptations. One famous example is a version of the EPAS1 gene that helps Tibetans function at high altitude.

Thus, an ancient liaison with Denisovans eventually enabled people to live comfortably where sea-level visitors become breathless carrying a sandwich upstairs.

Evolution is nothing if not practical.

The Denisovans themselves had apparently interbred with even older, unidentified archaic humans—a “ghost population” that may have been related to Homo erectus or another ancient lineage.

This means Denisovans were criticizing their children’s romantic choices while concealing archaic entanglements of their own.

“You cannot marry a sapiens!”

“But Grandmother says your side of the family has erectus DNA.”

“Grandmother talks too much.”

We have no direct genetic proof that Homo erectus interbred with modern humans. But genetic studies suggest that some Denisovan ancestors mated with a very ancient human lineage. If that lineage was Homo erectus or something similar, then the prehistoric family tree was less a tree than a hedge after several glasses of wine.

Homo erectus: The Original Wanderer

Long before modern humans began congratulating themselves for leaving Africa, Homo erectus had already done it—perhaps nearly two million years ago.

They spread across enormous distances and survived far longer than our species has existed so far. If longevity were the measure of evolutionary success, Homo erectus could look at Homo sapiens and say, “Call me when you’ve made it past the million-year mark.”

Whether erectus engaged in genetic unfaithfulness with later human groups remains uncertain. But considering the record of every human population for which we possess DNA, the safest conclusion is that when two hominin groups met, they sometimes fought, sometimes exchanged technology and occasionally exchanged phone numbers—metaphorically speaking, since the Pleistocene cellular network was terrible.

The Shame of the Fusion Family

Did mixed families experience prejudice? Possibly, but we cannot know. Small hunter-gatherer groups depended heavily on cooperation, and outsiders could be regarded as competitors, allies, trading partners or potential spouses. A newcomer’s ancestry probably mattered less than whether he could find water, butcher an animal and refrain from attracting hyenas.

Still, one can imagine the social discomfort.

At the annual solstice gathering, a mixed sapiens-Neanderthal family arrives.

The children are robust, clever and slightly hairier than average.

Everyone tries not to stare.

A sapiens aunt whispers, “They have his brow ridge.”

The Neanderthal grandmother replies, “At least they have shoulders.”

Then the children demonstrate a better hunting technique, decorate the cave and survive the next epidemic. Within a few generations, everybody has forgotten why the match was controversial.

That is the great joke hidden in our DNA: the supposedly improper unions were not evolutionary mistakes. Some produced descendants who were better adapted to local diseases, climates and environments.

The scandal became an advantage.

We Are All the Result of Questionable Decisions

Eventually, Neanderthals disappeared as a distinct population. Denisovans vanished from the visible archaeological record. Other human lineages faded as well. Some were displaced, some absorbed and some probably succumbed to combinations of climate change, small population size, competition and plain bad luck.

But they did not disappear completely.

They survive inside us—in immune responses, skin traits, metabolic quirks and tiny stretches of chromosomes passed down from lovers who met tens of thousands of years ago.

We like to tell human evolution as a heroic story in which Homo sapiens marched out of Africa, defeated inferior rivals and inherited the Earth through superior intelligence.

The DNA tells a messier and much more entertaining story.

We wandered out of Africa in multiple waves. We met people who looked different from us. We competed with them, borrowed from them and had children with them. Some families were undoubtedly appalled. Some neighbors probably gossiped. A few fathers sat silently in the corner sharpening hand axes.

And yet the children endured.

So the next time someone complains about intermarriage, cultural mixing or newcomers entering the neighborhood, remind them that human beings have been upsetting the in-laws since the Ice Age.

Then show them their genome.

There is probably a Neanderthal in it, quietly raising one enormous eyebrow.

Odysseus Had a Very Bad Decade

I saw The Odyssey today. I had no choice but to honor my alma mater, USC, as a faithful Trojan.

I forked over $28 for two tickets and traded my 80-inch television for an 80-foot screen and a vibrating armchair. Every crashing wave, charging army and angry god was transmitted directly to my lumbar spine.

It gave me a new appreciation for the expression “having a bad day.”

Odysseus spends ten years trying to sail home from Troy—a trip that should have taken weeks. Unfortunately, there was no GPS, Coast Guard or maritime safety board.

His TripAdvisor review would have been devastating:

“Captain resourceful but unnecessarily antagonized several deities. Crew reduced from 600 to one. Would not sail again.”

Along the way, he encounters cannibalistic giants dining on human tartare, shipwrecks, whirlpools and Circe—a beautiful hostess who turns his companions into swine. His men also discover the lotus, an ancient mind-altering plant that makes them forget about going home. Apparently, marijuana dispensaries are not as modern as we thought.

Then there is Calypso, the beautiful goddess who keeps Odysseus on her island for seven years and offers him immortality. Seven years on a tropical island with a goddess may not sound like captivity, but eventually even paradise becomes a timeshare presentation you cannot escape.

As a USC graduate, I found the sack of Troy particularly upsetting. I know Homer was not writing about college football, but watching Troy burn was almost as painful as USC losing the 2006 Rose Bowl to Texas.

The Greeks conquer the city by hiding inside a wooden horse. It was ingenious, although I kept wondering about the ventilation and restroom arrangements. The Trojans’ decision to drag a suspicious oversized package through their gates may also be history’s first great failure of homeland security.

But beneath the monsters and spectacle, The Odyssey is about the longing to come home.

Its most powerful moment belongs not to a warrior, but to Argos, Odysseus’ dog. When Odysseus finally returns after 20 years, disguised as an old beggar, almost no one recognizes him.

Argos does.

Old, neglected and near death, the dog sees his master, lifts his head, wags his tail—and dies. After cannibals, battles and shipwrecks, that is the moment that breaks you. Homer understood 2,800 years ago what every dog owner knows: a faithful dog needs no explanation or proof. He simply knows you.

Argos had waited a lifetime for one last glimpse of Odysseus. Once he saw him, his watch was over.

So yes, I paid $28, surrendered my television for a giant screen and allowed a mechanical chair to shake me across the Mediterranean. I came home grateful for GPS, modern maritime rules—and slightly suspicious of tropical islands offering complimentary plants.

I remain upset about the sack of Troy.

But most of all, I came home thinking about Argos, the quietest and most faithful hero in The Odyssey.

Fight On!

Lessons from Lisbon, Madrid and Madison Square Garden

What Makes a Civilization Great?

What the Knicks and the Iberian Peninsula Teach About Greatness

As I watched the New York Knicks march toward a championship, I found myself thinking less about basketball and more about history.
Championships are often explained through the mythology of the superstar. We celebrate the dominant scorer, the transcendent athlete, the singular genius who carries everyone else to glory.
Yet the Knicks offered a different lesson.
Jalen Brunson was unquestionably their leader, but this was not a one-man team. Their success depended on relationships forged years earlier at Villanova. These were players who trusted one another instinctively, who understood where teammates would be before they arrived, and who were willing to sacrifice statistics, shots, and even money for a larger goal.
Brunson famously left substantial money on the table to help the organization assemble a deeper roster. In a professional sports world often defined by maximizing individual gain, he chose collective success.
The result was not merely a winning team. It was a cooperative enterprise. And history suggests that great civilizations are built the exact same way.

The Chemistry of Convivencia

During our recent trip through Spain and Portugal, I was struck by how often the story of Iberian greatness was actually a story of collaboration among very different peoples.
Long before the Inquisition, the Iberian Peninsula became the world’s vibrant center of learning. This didn’t happen because one culture triumphed over another, but because multiple cultures interacted in a unique ecosystem of coexistence, or Convivencia.

  • Romans contributed law, infrastructure, and language.
  • Muslim scholars brought radical advances in mathematics, navigation, and agriculture while preserving Greek philosophy.
  • Christian kingdoms eventually provided the political framework that inherited this vast reservoir of knowledge.
    But it was the region’s Jewish scholars and statesmen who often served as the vital connective tissue—the ultimate “glue guys” of the Mediterranean world—functioning as the translators, diplomats, scientists, and financial administrators who made the system run.

Hasdai ibn Shaprut (c. 915–970): The Ultimate Catalyst In the Golden Age of Córdoba, Ibn Shaprut served as a physician, translator, and foreign minister to the Caliph. He utilized his multi-linguistic mastery to translate the famous medical texts of Dioscorides into Arabic, establishing Iberia as Europe’s medical capital. As a diplomat, he negotiated complex alliances between Muslim rulers and Christian monarchs, proving that intellectual and political synthesis was the true engine of Iberian prosperity.

The Knowledge Enablers

When we look closer at the Golden Age of Spain and Portugal, the intellectual peaks were achieved not through isolation, but through an intentional exchange of ideas.
Consider Moses Maimonides (1138–1204), born in Córdoba. While globally revered as a towering rabbi and philosopher, Maimonides was also a brilliant physician who wrote extensively on hygiene, pharmacology, and psychology. His philosophical masterpiece, The Guide for the Perplexed, sought to harmonize Aristotelian science with divine revelation. His works were eagerly read not just by Jews, but by Christian thinkers like Thomas Aquinas and Muslim scholars alike, fueling the intellectual fire of the entire continent.
This collaboration yielded practical, world-changing technology. The famous translation schools of Toledo transformed Europe by turning ancient Greek and Arabic texts into Latin. Suddenly, Aristotle, Galen, and Ptolemy were available to a continent hungry for knowledge.
When it came to the Age of Exploration, Portugal’s maritime empire was literally guided by Jewish science:

[Jewish & Islamic Astronomical Data] 
               │
               ▼
   [The Perpetual Almanac] (Abraham Zacuto)
               │
               ▼
[Advanced Cartography & Astrolabes]
               │
               ▼
  [Global Maritime Exploration]

The legendary astronomer and mathematician Abraham Zacuto (1452–1515) revolutionized navigation. His life’s work, The Perpetual Almanac, alongside his improvements to the copper astrolabe, allowed sailors to determine their latitude at sea using the sun rather than the stars.
Without Zacuto’s calculations and personal consultations, there might have been no Vasco da Gama reaching India, no Pedro Álvares Cabral reaching Brazil, and no Portuguese trading empire stretching from Africa to Asia.
The remarkable achievements of Spain and Portugal were not products of isolation. They were products of connection.

The Cost of Exclusion

Yet history also reveals how fragile such success can be. Beginning in the late fifteenth century, Spain and Portugal gradually abandoned the very conditions that had fueled their rise.
The expulsion of the Jews in 1492 systematically removed the most educated, skilled, and commercially connected citizens from the peninsula. Abraham Zacuto himself was forced to flee to Lisbon, and later Tunis, taking his brilliant mind away from the Iberian sphere.
This purge of human capital soon stretched from the cities to the fields. In the 1520s, the Spanish Crown banned Islam entirely, forcing the remaining Moorish population to convert or flee. These Morisco communities comprised the foundational backbone of Spain’s agricultural sector. For generations, they had engineered and maintained highly sophisticated, intricate systems of irrigation, terracing, and water management that kept the arid landscapes of Valencia and Andalusia incredibly fertile.
When this specialized expertise was systematically uprooted and driven out, the consequences were immediate and devastating. The complex canal networks fell into disrepair, agricultural productivity plummeted, and once-abundant yields dropped dramatically. Spain quickly found that you cannot exile your primary food producers without paying a severe price; as the agricultural infrastructure collapsed, localized famines began to creep across the countryside.

[Forced Conversion/Exile of Moorish Peasantry (1520s)]
                         │
                         ▼
      [Collapse of Sophisticated Irrigation Networks]
                         │
                         ▼
           [Severe Drop in Agricultural Yields]
                         │
                         ▼
             [Creeping Famine and Depopulation]

At the exact same time, enormous quantities of silver were flowing into Spain and Portugal from the Americas. Instead of stimulating innovation, this easy wealth reduced incentives to develop domestic industry or rebuild the shattered farming sector. The broad lesson remains: easy wealth can quickly become a substitute for creativity.
Meanwhile, nations such as the Netherlands and Great Britain adopted the exact playbook that had once made Iberia successful. They welcomed displaced Jewish merchants and skilled laborers, encouraged innovation, expanded scientific inquiry, and developed institutions that rewarded enterprise.
Leadership shifted. The world’s center of gravity moved northward.

The Contemporary Question

History does not repeat itself exactly, but it often rhymes.
Today, the United States remains the most innovative nation on earth. Our universities attract talented students from every continent. Our laboratories lead scientific discovery. Our entrepreneurs continue to create technologies that reshape the world.
But these strengths depend on openness.
Scientific progress thrives on collaboration. Medical breakthroughs emerge from international networks of researchers. Innovation accelerates when people with different experiences, perspectives, and skills work together toward common goals.
When nations become fearful of outsiders, suspicious of rigorous inquiry, or hostile to global intellectual exchange, they risk weakening the very forces that created their success.
The lesson of the Knicks is surprisingly similar to the lesson of pre-Inquisition Iberia. Greatness is rarely the product of a single star, or a single insular culture.
Whether in basketball, science, business, or civilization itself, success emerges from cooperation. The most successful teams are not always the ones with the highest raw talent; they are the ones that best combine talent, trust, shared purpose, and a willingness to sacrifice individual advantage for collective achievement.
Civilizations are no different.
The question facing every great nation is whether it will continue attracting talent, embracing knowledge, and building institutions that encourage cooperation—or whether it will retreat into exclusion and self-congratulation.
The Knicks answered that question on the basketball court. History answered it centuries ago.
The question now is whether we are paying attention.

Miracles on 34th Street


New York City has endured its share of sporting futility, but basketball failure feels particularly unnatural.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

The game was invented by James Naismith only a few states away. From the late nineteenth century onward, New York blanketed its boroughs with playgrounds, blacktops, school gyms, and settlement houses where basketball became part of the city’s DNA. College basketball once revolved around New York. Madison Square Garden was its cathedral. In 1950, CCNY accomplished something that will never be repeated: winning both the NIT and NCAA championships in the same season.

Then something happened.

The point-shaving scandals of the early 1950s cast a long shadow over New York basketball. One of the CCNY players caught up in the scandal later became my neighbor in Queens. Growing up, I would occasionally see him and knew little of his history. Only years later did I understand that he had been part of a team that represented the pinnacle of New York basketball and the scandal that helped bring that era to an abrupt end. 

New York basketball has spent much of the ensuing seventy-five years trying to recapture what was lost. The city’s college dominance evaporated. The original Pennsylvania Station, perhaps the most magnificent railroad terminal America ever built, was demolished and Madison Square Garden rose over its ashes.

The Garden would become “The World’s Most Famous Arena,” but not because of basketball. A few stories below the court, travelers could catch a train out of town. The building hosted political conventions, rallies, concerts, and iconic boxing matches. For basketball, its enduring image remains Willis Reed limping from the tunnel before Game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals.

The Knicks’ history has largely been a study in longing.

They lost to the Rochester Royals before I was old enough to understand disappointment. They spent decades staring up at the Celtics. Patrick Ewing’s finger roll rolled off the rim. John Starks misfired fifteen times in a decisive Finals game. The years that followed brought a parade of bad decisions, overpaid rosters, lottery disappointments, and steadily rising ticket prices to watch increasingly mediocre basketball.

Yet basketball runs deep in native New Yorkers.

We played before school, during recess, after dinner, and until the streetlights came on. Every neighborhood had a court and every court had legends. I remember hearing about a kid in seventh grade who stood only five-foot-nine and could dunk a basketball. Endless debates followed: what would you rather accomplish, dunking a basketball or winning a Nobel Prize?

The answer was always dunking.

So when the Knicks fell behind by twenty-nine points in the second half yesterday, the familiar feeling returned. Futility was back in town.

I shut off the television in disgust and went to bed.

Around 11:40 p.m., I could hear noise drifting up Third Avenue from the direction of the Garden. I ignored it. A text arrived from an old colleague in California. I didn’t open it. I assumed it was another taunt.

The Knicks had broken my heart too many times to earn the benefit of the doubt.

The next morning I glanced at the score.

Knicks 107.

Spurs 106.

I looked again.

Surely I was reading the wrong game.

But there it was. A one-point victory. A comeback from twenty-nine down. One of the greatest playoff rallies in franchise history. Miracles, it turns out, still happen on 34th Street.

Walking through Manhattan later that morning, I noticed Knicks jerseys everywhere. Construction workers patching potholes on Lexington Avenue were talking basketball. Strangers exchanged thumbs-up. The city seemed lighter.

For one morning at least, New York wasn’t carrying fifty-three years of basketball disappointment.

Could this finally be the end of the wandering?

The rational side of me remains cautious. Knicks fans have learned caution the hard way. Decades of disappointment create a futility blockade in the mind that even the most spectacular victory struggles to penetrate.

But perhaps something is changing.

Perhaps this team is writing a different ending.

And if they are, I will be there in spirit with Clyde Frazier, Earl Monroe, Willis Reed, Bill Bradley, and Dave DeBusschere, standing at the gates of deliverance, waiting to see whether the long exile is finally coming to an end.

From Stonehenge to Manhattanhenge: 5,000 Years of Looking West at Sunset

As I stood on a Midtown Manhattan street corner one evening, I noticed an unusual gathering. Hundreds of people had assembled, staring intently toward the horizon. They stood shoulder to shoulder, phones held high, faces illuminated by a golden glow. Some appeared reverent. Others seemed excited. A few looked as if they were witnessing a religious miracle.

In a sense, they were.

The event was Manhattanhenge, the twice-yearly phenomenon when the setting sun aligns perfectly with Manhattan’s street grid. As the sun descended between the skyscrapers, the crowd collectively gasped, photographed, videotaped, and otherwise documented the event from every conceivable angle.

Watching them, I couldn’t help wondering: Have we really evolved all that much from our ancestors?

For thousands of years, human beings have worshipped the sun. Ancient Egyptians revered Ra, the sun god who sailed across the heavens each day. The Incas worshipped Inti and built elaborate ceremonies around the solar cycle. The Maya designed temples and pyramids that aligned with celestial events. Across Europe, Stonehenge was constructed with astonishing precision to mark the solstices.

The sun was not merely a source of light. It was life itself. It determined harvests, seasons, migrations, and survival. Entire civilizations oriented themselves around its movements.

Fast forward to twenty-first-century Manhattan.

The sun no longer determines whether our crops survive. Most New Yorkers couldn’t identify a wheat field if it appeared in Times Square. Yet twice each year, thousands leave their offices, interrupt phone calls, postpone dinner reservations, and gather in the middle of traffic to witness the setting sun.

The difference is that ancient priests carried staffs while modern pilgrims carry iPhones.

The Maya climbed temple stairs to observe the heavens. New Yorkers climb out of the subway at 42nd Street.

Stonehenge required decades of labor. Manhattanhenge required an 1811 city planning commission and a lot of real estate developers.

Ancient observers carefully recorded celestial events on stone tablets. Modern observers upload them to Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook before the sun has even disappeared below the horizon.

One suspects that if a Mayan astronomer suddenly appeared in Midtown during Manhattanhenge, he would immediately recognize what was happening. He might be confused by the yoga pants, food-delivery bicycles, and Starbucks cups, but he would understand the crowd.

“Ah,” he would say. “These people have gathered to honor the sun.”

“Not exactly,” we would reply. “We’re creating content.”

The more I thought about it, the more Manhattanhenge seemed less like an astronomical event and more like a reminder of something deeply human. We are drawn to moments that make us feel connected to something larger than ourselves. The sun setting between Manhattan’s towers transforms ordinary streets into cathedrals. Glass office buildings become modern standing stones. Traffic lanes become ceremonial pathways.

For a few brief minutes, nobody is looking at stock prices, political polls, text messages, or emails. Everyone is looking in the same direction.

That may be the most remarkable part.

In a city famous for individual ambition, millions of people pursuing millions of different goals suddenly stop and share a common experience. They are united by a celestial event that their ancestors would have instantly understood.

Of course, there are differences.

The ancient Maya occasionally practiced human sacrifice.

Modern Manhattanites merely sacrifice battery life.

The priests of Stonehenge probably didn’t spend fifteen minutes trying to find the perfect filter.

And while Incan worshippers undoubtedly hoped for a successful harvest, today’s participants mostly hope their photographs will get more likes than their friends’ photographs.

Yet beneath the humor lies a serious truth.

Human beings have always sought meaning in the sky. We have always paused when nature offers us a moment of beauty. We have always gathered together to witness extraordinary alignments between heaven and earth.

The temples have changed.

The rituals have changed.

The technology has certainly changed.

But the impulse remains remarkably familiar.

Five thousand years after our ancestors stood before stone circles, pyramids, and sun temples, we still gather at sunset.

Only now we do it in Midtown Manhattan, wearing sneakers, holding smartphones, and hoping for good Wi-Fi.

Perhaps that is what Manhattanhenge really teaches us: beneath all our technology, sophistication, and urban complexity, there is still a small part of every human being that wants to stop, look toward the horizon, and worship the sun.

Or at least get a really good picture of it.

Why I Would Make an Excellent Coxswain

An open application to Georgetown Rowing, submitted from a highly qualified bench near the Potomac

There comes a time in every retired physician’s life when he must ask himself the big questions:

Have I contributed enough to society?
Have I learned enough about the human condition?
Can I still yell at young people in a constructive manner while sitting down?

That last question, I believe, points me toward my next great calling: coxswain.

For the uninitiated, the coxswain is the small but mighty field general of a rowing shell. While the rowers provide muscle, sweat, blisters, and the faint aroma of wet Lycra, the coxswain provides direction, rhythm, motivation, steering, and what my family would describe as “a socially sanctioned opportunity to be bossy.”

In other words: I was born for this.

I am retired, which means I possess the most important qualification of all: availability. I am also increasingly immobile, which in ordinary life might be considered a limitation. But in rowing, the coxswain is not expected to row. He sits. He observes. He commands. At last, a sport has emerged that rewards my current athletic profile.

I spend time down by the Potomac, watching Georgetown students glide across the water with youth, discipline, and suspiciously healthy knees. I admire them. They are bright, strong, and purposeful. I would like to help. More specifically, I would like to sit in the stern of their boat with a bullhorn and improve morale through a combination of nautical insight, grandfatherly encouragement, and mild cardiology-level urgency.

My recent piano studies would also make me invaluable. Rowing, like music, depends on tempo. Too fast and the boat becomes chaos. Too slow and everyone looks like they are commuting to Rosslyn. I am learning rhythm, timing, and the spiritual power of repetition. I can already envision myself chanting:

“Row, row, row… gently? No. Firmly. Together. On my count. Again. No, not like that.”

The classic song Row, Row, Row Your Boat has been criminally underused as a training tool. With enough metronomic precision, I could transform it from nursery rhyme to aquatic battle hymn. Imagine eight Georgetown athletes, blades flashing, shell surging forward, while I maintain perfect tempo like Leonard Bernstein in a life vest.

I also like bullhorns. This is not incidental. Some men collect watches. Some collect golf clubs. I appreciate amplification. A bullhorn gives the retired man what Medicare does not: projection. I could deliver crisp, actionable commands across the Potomac with the confidence of a man who has spent decades telling patients to avoid seeds, nuts, alcohol, red meat, stress, and Google.

My medical background would be a bonus. Should a rower complain of abdominal pain, I could immediately distinguish between appendicitis, gas, overtraining, and “you’re 19, keep rowing.” If someone develops blisters, I can offer empathy. If someone becomes short of breath, I can say, “Excellent, that means you are exercising.”

I would also bring maturity. Many coxswains motivate with youthful intensity. I would bring something different: historical perspective. During a race, while other boats shout “Power ten!” I might call:

“Remember the Peloponnesian War!”
“Think of Washington crossing the Delaware!”
“Imagine your tuition bill chasing you!”

That sort of thing stays with a crew.

And yes, I am still looking to earn a university letter. Some men letter in football. Some in baseball. I am proposing a new category: Distinguished Late-Life Coxswain Emeritus. I would accept a sweater, a blazer patch, or frankly even a laminated certificate. I am not proud. I am, however, very available for ceremonies.

The photograph of the rowers says it all. There they are, powerful and synchronized, cutting across the Potomac with purpose. And there I am, not pictured, standing nearby thinking: “Those boys need rhythm, wisdom, and possibly a retired gastroenterologist with a megaphone.”

So, Georgetown, consider this my formal application.

I can sit.
I can shout.
I can count to eight.
I am learning piano.
I like your students.
I own comfortable shoes.
And I promise never to confuse port and starboard more than twice per outing.

Put me in the boat.

Or at least give me a bullhorn and a letter sweater.

What Hawkeye Taught Me About Hantavirus

.

In the first two years of medical school at the Keck School of Medicine of USC, Monday nights had a ritual quality.

A group of us would gather in the medical school library to watch M*A*S*H. We laughed at Hawkeye, rolled our eyes at Frank Burns, admired Colonel Potter, and quoted Radar. But somewhere between the wisecracks and the operating room scenes, many of us were quietly learning medicine.

And not bad medicine, either.

One episode stayed with me for decades.

It involved Korean Hemorrhagic Fever — what we now recognize as a hantavirus-related illness. The episode, “Mr. and Mrs. Who?”, aired in the 1970’s. While the comic storyline involved Charles Winchester accidentally acquiring a wife during a drunken Tokyo weekend, the real medical drama centered around soldiers developing a mysterious hemorrhagic fever with renal failure.  

The physicians at the 4077th struggled with fluid management, shock, electrolyte abnormalities, and kidney failure. The disease had phases. Patients deteriorated suddenly. There was debate over hypertonic saline and rigid military directives. Nobody fully understood the illness.

That uncertainty was historically accurate.

During the Korean War, thousands of United Nations soldiers developed what was then called Korean Hemorrhagic Fever. The actual causative virus — Hantaan virus — was not identified until 1978, years after the war itself.  

And there I was, a medical student in Los Angeles, absorbing it through television.

What made M*A*S*H different from most medical dramas was its obsession with getting the medicine right. The show’s legendary medical consultant, Dr. Walter Dishell, insisted on realism in the scripts and operating room details. The medicine mattered. The diseases mattered. The patients mattered.

Even the setting mattered to us at USC.

Our lecture hall carried the name of Louis B. Mayer, the Hollywood studio mogul. There was always an odd but unmistakable connection between medicine and storytelling at USC. Hollywood was only a few miles away, and somehow that intersection produced a generation of physicians who learned not just from textbooks and rounds, but from carefully crafted television.

Years later, the lesson resurfaced.

In 1993 came the Sin Nombre hantavirus outbreak in the American Southwest — the “Four Corners” outbreak. Young healthy people suddenly developed pulmonary failure after exposure to aerosolized rodent droppings. Physicians scrambled to identify a mysterious pathogen. The disease entered the public consciousness almost overnight.

And somewhere in the back of my mind was Hawkeye Pierce talking about hemorrhagic fever.

Then recently came the widely publicized death of the wife of Gene Hackman, reportedly linked to hantavirus exposure, followed by news reports involving suspected hantavirus illness on a cruise ship. Suddenly the terminology sounded familiar again — not because I had recently reviewed infectious disease journals, but because of a television episode I watched over fifty years ago in medical school.

That is the extraordinary thing about narrative medicine and visual memory.

I may not remember every Krebs cycle intermediate from 1975, but I vividly remember Hawkeye and B.J. debating fluid management for hemorrhagic fever patients.

Television, at its best, creates durable memory pathways. It attaches medical facts to emotion, humor, fear, and character. We remember stories better than lists.

Medical education now talks endlessly about “multimedia learning.” We had it already. It simply starred Alan Alda.

And perhaps that is why Alan Alda deserves a little credit from an entire generation of physicians.

He made medicine human.

He made curiosity admirable.

And without realizing it, he may have helped many of us remember a rare infectious disease long enough to recognize it decades later when it re-entered the news cycle.

Not bad for a Monday night in the library.

The Mascot Hunger Games: Why Every City Needs Its Own “Running Presidents”

Let’s be honest: baseball is a game of statistics, tradition, and three-hour-long stretches where absolutely nothing happens except a grown man adjusting his gloves. That’s why we have mascots. Specifically, the Washington Nationals hit gold with the Racing Presidents. Seeing a giant-headed Abraham Lincoln accidentally clothesline George Washington is the peak of American athleticism.
But why should D.C. have all the fun? It’s time we localized the chaos. If we’re going to have 10-foot-tall foam caricatures sprinting for our entertainment, they should at least reflect the specific neuroses and local flavor of their home cities.
Here is my proposal for the “Mascot Races of the Future.”

New York City (Mets/Yankees): The Great Slice Scurry

Forget the subway race; let’s talk about what actually fuels the city.

  • The Competitors: Classic Pepperoni, Fancy Margherita, The Dollar Slice, and The Pineapple (The Villain).
  • The Twist: To win, they have to navigate a series of obstacles including a slow-walking tourist and a puddle of “mysterious liquid.” If the Pineapple slice wins, the stadium is legally required to boo for ten minutes.

Baltimore (Orioles): The Battle of the Bards

Baltimore is a city of history and very specific bragging rights.

  • The Competitors: Francis Scott Key vs. The Guy Who Wrote “America the Beautiful” (Katharine Lee Bates).
  • The Twist: Since Key wrote the “Star-Spangled Banner” in Baltimore Harbor, he gets a home-field advantage—but Bates gets to throw “Purple Mountain Majesties” (purple dodgeballs) at him from the infield.

Milwaukee (Brewers): The Hangover Heat

We know they have the Sausages, but let’s get corporate.

  • The Competitors: Giant foam cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Miller High Life, and Schlitz.
  • The Twist: Halfway through the race, they have to stop and eat a bratwurst. The first one to finish without their foam lid popping off wins a “Best Utility Player” award and a nap.

San Francisco (Giants): The Tech Disruptors

The race starts at the center-field wall and ends at the Silicon Valley bank account.

  • The Competitors: The AI Startup Guy, The E-Scooter, and A Rent-Controlled Studio Apartment.
  • The Twist: The Apartment doesn’t actually move, yet somehow its value increases by 15% every inning. The AI Startup Guy claims he’s winning, but he’s actually just hallucinating the finish line.

Philadelphia (Phillies): The “Everything is a Projectile” Derby

Let’s be real, Philly fans don’t want a race; they want a spectacle.

  • The Competitors: A Giant Cheesesteak (Whiz Wit), A Parking Cone, and Ben Franklin.
  • The Twist: There is no finish line. The mascots just run until the fans start throwing batteries. Ben Franklin wins by default because he’s the only one wearing a kite for protection.

Pro Tip: If you ever find yourself at a game where a giant condiment is winning a race, bet on the Mustard. Ketchup always gets complacent in the final stretch.

Which city do you think would have the most chaotic race—and more importantly, what local food item would you put in a footrace against a historical figure?

Organized Minds, Glorious Nerds

My grandson is at it again. He’s ticking off African nations — all 54 of them — with the focused serenity of a monk counting prayer beads.

Yesterday it was the counties of Texas. Before that, American presidents in reverse chronological order, which he performed at dinner with the calm confidence of a kid who has seen things. He lives in Washington, D.C., which I suspect is less a geographic choice than a spiritual one: he wants to be near the material.

I recognize him completely. I am him, sixty years earlier, haunting the mailbox in October waiting for the Information Please Almanac to arrive. When it did, I did not read it so much as inhale it — population densities, Olympic records, the gross national products of countries most Americans couldn’t locate on a globe.

Meanwhile, the World Book Encyclopedia sat on the shelf like a cathedral, and I was its most devoted worshipper. Volume P alone — Population, Planets, Presidents, Portugal — could sustain me through a dull February weekend.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who make lists… and those who pretend they don’t.

I come from a proud lineage of list-makers. Not casual, jot-it-on-a-napkin types—but the kind who would alphabetize their anxieties if given a quiet afternoon and a sharpened pencil.

My grandson, at the ripe old age of four, has already joined the guild. He ticks off countries in Africa like a seasoned diplomat, names U.S. states with the confidence of a campaign manager, and is working his way through presidents as if he has a clearance badge to the White House.

The List Gene

I blame genetics. Or perhaps nostalgia.

In my day—back when hair was longer and attention spans were shorter—we didn’t have YouTube serenading us with “Top 50 Rivers of Europe” set to a catchy beat.

We had the annual unveiling of the Information Please Almanac, which arrived with all the fanfare of a new iPhone launch, minus the line outside. And then there was the majestic World Book Encyclopedia—a 26-volume monument to curiosity and back strain.

You didn’t “Google” things. You hunted them. You earned them. You cross-referenced Mongolia like it owed you money—and if you wanted an update, you waited a year and hoped Mongolia hadn’t moved.

Surgical Precision, Trivial Pursuits

There is nothing quite like standing in an operating room, where a vascular surgeon is calmly repairing an aortic aneurysm while casually listing the ten tallest buildings in the world. (“Burj Khalifa, Shanghai Tower… suction please…”)

Meanwhile, a family practice colleague—clearly underutilized—recites the La Marseillaise backwards. Not clinically useful, but impressive enough to make you question your own hobbies.

We were supposed to be saving lives. Instead, we were mentally indexing them.

The Ken Jennings Ideal

And then there is the patron saint of us all: Ken Jennings. Seventy-four consecutive Jeopardy! victories. A human being who appeared to have simply agreed to remember everything, on the off chance someone would someday ask. When Ken Jennings walked onto that stage, he wasn’t showing off. He was reporting for duty.

Every one of us who ever memorized the order of the planets, the presidents, the periodic table, or the airports of Europe by IATA code contains a small Ken Jennings. A tiny, extremely well-organized Ken, sitting in the library of our hippocampus, cross-referencing, updating, waiting for his moment. We are all, in our hearts, training for Jeopardy!.

I suspect this is, at its core, a love of order in a disordered world. The universe tends toward entropy; the list-maker pushes back. You cannot control geopolitics, but you can, by God, know all the landlocked countries of Africa in alphabetical order.

You cannot cure mortality, but you can tell me the ten longest rivers on every continent, and for a moment — just a moment — the world is knowable, mappable, tamed.

The Sports Lists (Where It Gets Serious)

This is where list-making graduates from hobby to religion.

The Mickey Mantle File

Every self-respecting sports fan of a certain vintage has this memorized:

  • 536 home runs
  • 3 MVP awards
  • Triple Crown (1956)
  • Switch-hitter with tape-measure power from both sides
  • Knees held together by willpower and clubhouse tape

We didn’t just admire Mantle—we archived him.

The Los Angeles Lakers Pantheon

You can start an argument at any dinner table with this one:

  • Magic Johnson – ran Showtime like a jazz conductor who never missed a beat
  • Kareem Abdul-Jabbar – the skyhook: medicine’s answer to the unstoppable procedure
  • Kobe Bryant – relentless, surgical, occasionally terrifying
  • Shaquille O’Neal – less a player, more a controlled demolition
  • Jerry West – the logo, before branding departments existed

Ranking them is like choosing your favorite child—except everyone is louder about it.

The Tiger Woods Ledger

This one borders on scripture:

  • 15 major championships
  • The “Tiger Slam” (holding all four majors at once, 2000–2001)
  • Masters wins: 1997, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2019
  • U.S. Opens: 2000, 2002, 2008
  • The Open Championship: 2000, 2005, 2006
  • PGA Championships: 1999, 2000, 2006, 2007

If you play golf, you don’t just watch Tiger—you audit him.

The Modern Evolution: Musical Lists

Today’s children have upgraded tools.

My grandson doesn’t flip through encyclopedias—he watches YouTube videos where animated characters sing the capitals of Europe in a rhythm that gets stuck in your head for three days. I now know more about Slovenia than I ever intended, entirely due to a chorus line of cartoon goats.

It’s hard to compete with that. My generation had mnemonics. His has choreography—and better production values.

Why Lists Matter (or at Least Why We Think They Do)

There’s something deeply satisfying about a list:

  • It imposes order on chaos
  • It gives the illusion of mastery
  • It turns the infinite into something you can check off before dinner

Lists are how we convince ourselves we understand the world. If we can name all 50 states, surely we’ve conquered geography. If we know the presidents in order, history must be under control.

The Family Tradition Continues

And so I watch the next generation.

My grandson, sitting on the floor, confidently announcing: “I know all the countries in Africa.”

I don’t correct him—not because I’m generous, but because he’s usually right. Sudan and South Sudan? That update didn’t make it into my edition of the encyclopedia.

It’s a humbling experience to be outmatched in geopolitical awareness by someone who still needs help tying his shoes.

Final Entry

Somewhere along the way, I traded my encyclopedias for Google and my almanacs for apps. But the instinct remains.

To categorize. To rank. To recall.

And occasionally, to wonder—usually late at night—whether I could still name the ten tallest buildings in the world if someone handed me a scalpel.

Probably not.

But give me a list… and I’ll give it a shot.

A PARTIAL TAXONOMY OF LIST ENTHUSIASTS
1. The Completionist — Cannot rest until every African country, every Texas county, every U.S. president is accounted for. Sleep is optional. Gaps are not.
2. The Performance Lister — Deploys their lists at precisely the right moment. Dinner parties. Operating rooms. Elevators.
3. The Almanac Archaeologist — Keeps a 1965 World Almanac specifically because the 1965 data is still technically accurate for historical purposes.
4. The Trivia Athlete — Trains daily. Has a vision board. Watches Jeopardy! in the way most people watch playoff games.
5. The Backwards Reciter — A rare and specialized subspecies. Requires no further explanation.
6. The YouTube Mnemonist — Has learned 195 countries through earworm. Is unstoppable at parties.

WHAT WE KNOW FOR CERTAIN
1. Lists are not a quirk. They are a calling.
2. The almanac was the internet before the internet, and it had better binding.
3. YouTube trivia songs are a legitimate branch of classical education.
4. Any surgeon who can name the world’s tallest skyscrapers while operating has simply found an efficient use of bandwidth.
5. The Marseillaise backwards is probably not useful. It is nonetheless impressive.
6. A grandson who ticks off countries is not wasting time. He is building a mind.
7. Ken Jennings is proof that there is a God, and that God rewards those who pay attention.

The Lost Language of the Chart-Toppers: Why Bad Bunny Frustrates a Monolingual America

If you scroll through the comments of any major music publication today, you’ll find a recurring grievance: “Why is the biggest artist in the world singing in a language I don’t understand?” Bad Bunny’s refusal to “crossover” into English has become a cultural flashpoint. To some, it’s a triumphant display of Latino pride; to others, it’s a barrier to entry that feels alienating. But if we look back sixty or seventy years, the American listener was actually far more comfortable with a polyglot playlist than we are today.

What changed? It might be that we’ve lost the “shared trauma” that once forced us to look outward.

When the World Was on the Radio

In the 1950s and 60s, Americans didn’t just tolerate foreign-language hits; they celebrated them. Consider the landscape:

Domenico Modugno’s “Volare” (1958): An Italian ballad that spent five weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and won the first-ever Grammy for Record of the Year.

Kyu Sakamoto’s “Sukiyaki” (1963): A Japanese torch song that reached #1 despite the fact that most listeners had no idea it was actually a melancholy poem about walking to keep from crying.

Ritchie Valens’ “La Bamba”: A traditional Mexican huapango that became an indelible part of the early rock-and-roll DNA.

Even Doris Day’s “Que Sera, Sera,” while primarily English, leaned into its Spanish title as a universal mantra. Back then, the American ear was conditioned to find beauty in the melody, even when the vocabulary remained a mystery.

The Military Connection: A Global Perspective

There is a compelling argument that this mid-century musical tolerance was forged in the fires of World War II. After a global conflict that left 60 million dead, the world was irrevocably interconnected.

Millions of young American GIs were deployed to Europe and the Pacific. They weren’t just tourists; they were young people living in German villages, Italian cities, and Japanese occupied territories. They ate the food, heard the radio, and brought those sounds home in their kit bags.

This created a “globalized” generation. They had seen the wreckage of isolationism and, through sheer military exposure, developed a cultural elasticity. To a veteran who had spent two years in Naples, an Italian ballad on the radio didn’t feel like a “foreign intrusion”—it felt like a memory.

The Modern Divide: No Shared Experience

Contrast that with the environment that greets Bad Bunny today. Today’s United States lacks that unifying, outward-facing experience. We are more “connected” via the internet, but more “siloed” in our consumption.

Algorithmic Bubbles: We only hear what we already like.

The Lack of National Service: There is no longer a massive, cross-cultural “melting pot” experience like the draft to force diverse groups of Americans to live and work together.

Language as Politics: In the current climate, Spanish isn’t just a language; it’s often treated as a political statement, making Bad Bunny’s success feel like a “takeover” to those who prefer an English-only status quo.

Final Thoughts

The criticism of Bad Bunny often stems from a feeling of being “left out.” But if the 1950s taught us anything, it’s that you don’t need to know the lyrics to feel the soul of a song.

Perhaps the reason we struggle with foreign-language hits today isn’t a lack of talent on the artist’s part, but a lack of curiosity on ours. We no longer have the grim necessity of global war to force us to see the world; now, we have to choose to look.

⭐ The True Foreign-Language #1 Hits in the U.S.

These were fully or predominantly non-English and went all the way:

  • Volare – Domenico Modugno (Italian) – 1958
  • Sukiyaki – Kyu Sakamoto (Japanese) – 1963
  • Dominique – The Singing Nun (French) – 1963

That’s it — only three in the entire two decades reached #1 in their original languages.

📊 By Language

🇮🇹 Italian

  • Volare – Modugno
  • Al Di Là – Pericoli
  • O Dio Mio – Annette
  • Quando, Quando, Quando – Pat Boone

➡ Italian was the dominant foreign language on U.S. radio in the late ’50s/early ’60s (Sanremo effect + Italian-American audience).

🇪🇸 Spanish

  • La Bamba – Ritchie Valens
  • Guantanamera – The Sandpipers
  • El Watusi – Ray Barretto

➡ Spanish entered via rock & Latin dance crazes.

🇫🇷 French

  • Dominique – The Singing Nun
    ➡ The most unlikely #1 of the rock era.

🇯🇵 Japanese

  • Sukiyaki – Kyu Sakamoto
    ➡ Still the only Japanese-language U.S. Hot 100 #1 in history.