Tag: Presidents

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The Mascot Hunger Games: Why Every City Needs Its Own “Running Presidents”

Let’s be honest: baseball is a game of statistics, tradition, and three-hour-long stretches where absolutely nothing happens except a grown man adjusting his gloves. That’s why we have mascots. Specifically, the Washington Nationals hit gold with the Racing Presidents. Seeing a giant-headed Abraham Lincoln accidentally clothesline George Washington is the peak of American athleticism.
But why should D.C. have all the fun? It’s time we localized the chaos. If we’re going to have 10-foot-tall foam caricatures sprinting for our entertainment, they should at least reflect the specific neuroses and local flavor of their home cities.
Here is my proposal for the “Mascot Races of the Future.”

New York City (Mets/Yankees): The Great Slice Scurry

Forget the subway race; let’s talk about what actually fuels the city.

  • The Competitors: Classic Pepperoni, Fancy Margherita, The Dollar Slice, and The Pineapple (The Villain).
  • The Twist: To win, they have to navigate a series of obstacles including a slow-walking tourist and a puddle of “mysterious liquid.” If the Pineapple slice wins, the stadium is legally required to boo for ten minutes.

Baltimore (Orioles): The Battle of the Bards

Baltimore is a city of history and very specific bragging rights.

  • The Competitors: Francis Scott Key vs. The Guy Who Wrote “America the Beautiful” (Katharine Lee Bates).
  • The Twist: Since Key wrote the “Star-Spangled Banner” in Baltimore Harbor, he gets a home-field advantage—but Bates gets to throw “Purple Mountain Majesties” (purple dodgeballs) at him from the infield.

Milwaukee (Brewers): The Hangover Heat

We know they have the Sausages, but let’s get corporate.

  • The Competitors: Giant foam cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Miller High Life, and Schlitz.
  • The Twist: Halfway through the race, they have to stop and eat a bratwurst. The first one to finish without their foam lid popping off wins a “Best Utility Player” award and a nap.

San Francisco (Giants): The Tech Disruptors

The race starts at the center-field wall and ends at the Silicon Valley bank account.

  • The Competitors: The AI Startup Guy, The E-Scooter, and A Rent-Controlled Studio Apartment.
  • The Twist: The Apartment doesn’t actually move, yet somehow its value increases by 15% every inning. The AI Startup Guy claims he’s winning, but he’s actually just hallucinating the finish line.

Philadelphia (Phillies): The “Everything is a Projectile” Derby

Let’s be real, Philly fans don’t want a race; they want a spectacle.

  • The Competitors: A Giant Cheesesteak (Whiz Wit), A Parking Cone, and Ben Franklin.
  • The Twist: There is no finish line. The mascots just run until the fans start throwing batteries. Ben Franklin wins by default because he’s the only one wearing a kite for protection.

Pro Tip: If you ever find yourself at a game where a giant condiment is winning a race, bet on the Mustard. Ketchup always gets complacent in the final stretch.

Which city do you think would have the most chaotic race—and more importantly, what local food item would you put in a footrace against a historical figure?

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The Hidden Threat to Democracy: How Presidential Health Can Shape World History

The cognitive health of a nation’s leader can have far-reaching consequences that extend beyond their term in office. A striking example of this is the case of President Woodrow Wilson, whose impairment during crucial post-World War I negotiations may have indirectly contributed to the conditions that led to World War II.

In 1918, Wilson contracted influenza during the global pandemic. This illness, coupled with a severe stroke in October 1919, left him significantly impaired during the final year of his presidency[1]. This period coincided with critical negotiations for the Treaty of Versailles, which would shape the post-war world order.

Wilson’s diminished capacity meant he was unable to effectively advocate for his “Fourteen Points” plan, which aimed for a more balanced peace[2]. Instead, harsher terms were imposed on Germany, creating economic hardship and national resentment that would later be exploited by extremist political movements[3].

The consequences of these decisions were catastrophic. World War II resulted in an estimated 70-85 million deaths worldwide[4], a scale of loss that might have been preventable had the post-WWI peace process been handled differently.

This historical example underscores the critical importance of a president’s cognitive function. Executive functions such as decision-making, problem-solving, and communication are essential for effective leadership, particularly in times of crisis or complex international negotiations[5].

One aspect of cognitive function that plays a crucial role in leadership is prosody – the rhythm, stress, and intonation of speech. Prosody is not merely about eloquence; it significantly impacts how messages are received and interpreted. Research has shown that prosodic features of speech can influence listeners’ comprehension, emotional response, and even decision-making[6].

In the context of presidential communication, prosody can affect a leader’s ability to motivate a nation, provide hope in times of crisis, and effectively convey complex policy decisions. Presidents who have been noted for their strong oratorical skills, such as Franklin D. Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy, used prosody effectively to rally public support and communicate their vision[7].

The implications of this are significant for the democratic process. When electing a president, voters are not just choosing a set of policies, but also a communicator-in-chief who must be able to lead effectively in times of national and global crisis. The cognitive health of candidates should be a key consideration in the electoral process.

It’s important to note that cognitive health is a complex issue influenced by many factors, and simplistic or discriminatory approaches should be avoided. However, given the potential long-term consequences of presidential decision-making, it is crucial that voters have accurate information about candidates’ cognitive capabilities and that robust systems are in place to ensure continuity of effective governance under all circumstances.

[1] Cooper, J. M. (2009). Woodrow Wilson: A Biography. Knopf.
[2] MacMillan, M. (2001). Paris 1919: Six Months That Changed the World. Random House.
[3] Keynes, J. M. (1920). The Economic Consequences of the Peace. Harcourt, Brace and Howe.
[4] Weinberg, G. L. (2005). A World at Arms: A Global History of World War II. Cambridge University Press.
[5] Goldstein, K. (2015). The Executive Brain: Frontal Lobes and the Civilized Mind. Oxford University Press.
[6] Scherer, K. R., & Bänziger, T. (2004). Emotional Expression in Prosody: A Review and an Agenda for Future Research. Speech Communication, 46(1-2), 180-203.
[7] Leanne, S. (2016). Say It Like Obama and Win!: The Power of Speaking with Purpose and Vision. McGraw Hill Professional.